Understanding

Realizations hit at the oddest of times…
In those moments when your defenses are down.
Realizations hit when you’re most vulnerable
And unsure that you can deal with the consequences.
My realization…
My brush with insight
Is that I have been living a lie.
I have lifted the pedestal
With arms trembling from the effort,
Only to have it come crashing down.
I have entrusted my faith…
My compassion…
Only to have it shattered.
I have been following false Gods
False prophets.
And somewhere along the way,
I have lost myself.
I have become someone else…
Someone who I thought I should be…
Someone who I was expected to be.
I have allowed my own demise
On the premise of loyalty.
I have called forth my own ruin
On the ideal of honoring a promise.
Now if I am to walk alone then let it be so,
My bruised and bloody heart still struggles as my companion.
My realization…
My dawning comprehension,
Is that I have been my own betrayer…