I can’t do this anymore.
I’m tired of being confused.
I’m tired of being the ‘other one’.
I’m tired of analyzing the little touches
That meant so much to me,
But mean nothing to you.
I’m tired of being the one
You claim to tell your secrets to
While you lay with secrets in the dark.
I’m tired of being tired.
My heart didn’t want to believe
The things that my eyes have seen.
It was easier to make excuses,
To rationalize your reticence.
Loving me was dangerous.
Loving me was taboo.
Loving me was the one thing you couldn’t do.
Yet loving others came easy to you.
Keep your secrets.
Keep your lies and deceptions.
They are no longer mysteries to me.
I used to think you looked at me with longing.
Now I know it was merely pity.
I used to think that you desired my presence.
Now I know it was your ego that desired me.
You think me a fool.
I am tired of being a fool.
It took too long but I finally believe
That I am worth more than anything you can give.
I deserve love,
Real love,
Not some grotesque parody.
I am tired of your machinations.
I am tired of you,
And I refuse to do this anymore.