I accepted a long time ago that I wasn’t cut out for parenthood. That was more out of mentality than anything else but lately, with the arrival of my baby bear, I have realized that I am no longer physically capable either. I’ve been told by more than one person that I would have made a great mom, and maybe I would have. Or maybe my issues would have gotten in the way. Who knows? All I know is that I couldn’t love my best friend/housemate’s baby any more than I already do.
Having a baby in the house changes you….it really does, providing you’re actually at the level of maturity where you don’t see him/her as nothing but an inconvenience. Sure there are things that I can’t do anymore, or rather I theoretically can still do them but my loyalty is to the baby. Why would I want to go spend $500 in Ruby Tuesday when I can see that gorgeous smile for free? Why would I want make an effort to spend time with people who only take you for granted when I can hold someone who looks at me with what is nothing short of pure adoration?
She’s not my child…not physically anyway. But in a way she is, because I’m not kidding when I say that I’d do damn near anything for her, including putting her above everyone else (her parents included). Will she disappoint me? Of course she will. She’s human and so am I, but part of being human is learning to forgive and move on. It will never change the love that I have for her. It will never change the fact that I want to teach her and learn from her…and I am learning. What I have learnt thus far is:
- My stomach is in fact stronger than I thought it was and I have, thus far, not fainted at either the sight or smell of a dirty diaper.
- I’m the only one who can take care of the baby from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. and not get stressed.
- I love the feeling of a tiny hand curling around my finger while she’s sleeping.
- Adults make some of the strangest sounds I’ve ever heard when playing with a baby.
- People tend to look at you funny when you start leaving a sharpened cutlass under the baby’s bed.
- I have shoulder and back muscles that I never knew I had before (having made themselves known by being pulled).
- I’m not sure how I feel about the fact that my baby bear loves Miami2Ibiza by Swedish House Mafia.
- I have limited energy, but spending it all on her makes me happy.
But the thing I have learnt the most is that I want to be around for as long as I can. The world is going to hell in a hand-basket and it’s not easy out there, especially for a child. I want to be around to love her and protect her for as long as the good lord sees fit, and hopefully that’s quite a while yet. The funny thing is that I never cared before…not much. Who wants to grow old anyway? I do…as long as my old age can be filled with her laughter.