There’s been a lot of talk
lately about monogamy and commitment, and a lot of people who don’t seem to
understand that the two are not the same. How on earth can that be? Let’s
take a look at definitions shall we. Monogamy is defined as ‘the practice or
condition of having a single sexual partner for a period of time’. So if I
decide I’m just looking for some harmless fun and I only have sex with one
particular woman for a week then, based on the definition, I have been
monogamous (and if your idea of a committed relationship is one week than
you’ve got more problems than I can help you with). A commitment implies
monogamy…monogamy doesn’t necessarily include a commitment.
It always amuses me when people cite the animal
kingdom for their own means, without knowing anything about it. They’re
always quick to say that no other animal practices monogamy (which is not
entirely true by the way) so why should people, but liken them to an animal
in any other respect and suddenly it’s an insult. If you want to act like a
bitch in heat then you should be able to take having people say so.
Personally, I like to think that I’m not just some creature that’s driven by
nothing more than the instinct to mate with as many willing females as
possible, especially since I have no seeds to sow. To each her own I
suppose, but it’s when you mix monogamy with a commitment that the real
trouble starts.
That’s because a commitment is a promise that either
implies or overtly states an intention to be faithful, and some people just
can’t keep it in their pants. There are many reasons why a person might
stray in a relationship and, to be honest, I can’t say that there are
situations in which I might not be tempted myself. Some relationships are
just not destined to work and can be so painful that you feel you have no
choice but to seek solace elsewhere. Of course I’ve also been tempted to
throttle certain people with my bare hands, but I’ve managed to resist.
Sometimes a person just isn’t at a point where they really can settle down
with one person, even though they may be willing to try, because they feel
like they haven’t experienced enough of life yet. And sometimes they just
plain get bored easily.
Being in a committed relationship takes work. That’s
the bottom line. And sometimes it’s easier to just not make the effort.
Sometimes it’s easier to think that this is going to end anyway, and that
hot chick has been giving me the eye, so why not go for it? If you go into a
relationship already convinced that it’s not going to last, or that your
partner is going to stray, then what’s the point? You’re never going to be
100% in it, and it’s never going to work because you’re just fulfilling your
own prophecy. Trust is not something that comes easily, especially when your
heart has been brutalized, but your alternatives are either to remain alone
or become the kind of person who hurt you in the first place.
It’s funny how quite a
few of the people who insist that commitment isn’t possible are the ones
who’ve proven that they can’t make one in the first place. Hey, I’m not
without fault. I have been cheated on and I have been the one cheating…once.
It’s something that I have sworn that I will never do again. Quite frankly,
I believe that if you want to be with someone else then just make a clean
break and move on with the new person. I would rather be dumped than cheated
on because at least I’ll know that you have some respect for me. If you know
that monogamy is not for you, even within the confines of a committed
relationship, then don’t try. There are women who are willing to pursue an
open relationship. I am not likely to be one of them since I am both
insanely jealous and a firm believer that, if the stakes are high enough, it
is possible to be monogamous in a committed relationship. I have been, and
I’m willing to be again, because when I love someone (and they love me) no
temptation is big enough to make me turn away from them.