Against her wishes, I keep her caged.

I would bind her in chains if I could…

If I didn’t know that she might like that too much.

I have tried with all my might to deny her very existence…

To deny that she is my creation,

Yet it is undeniable that she is a part of me…

The very best and the very worst parts of me combined.

Strangely enough she is my strength.

It is on her that I call when I feel weakened…

When life’s blows have wreaked havoc and I can bear no more.

She is there to fortify my will…

To make me put one foot in front of the other when all I want to do is lie still.

She is my armour against those who seek to hurt.

She is my warrior when I am called upon to fight.

She is the protector of all I hold dear.

So why do I keep her imprisoned,

Letting her out only when I can do so no longer?

She seeks only pleasure, fuelled by pain.

She likes the thrill of the hunt.

She likes to play with her prey…

To draw them in until they have no choice but to acquiesce.

She knows exactly how to tread the fine line that make her excesses acceptable.

She is as close to being without feeling as one can come without dying inside.

I don’t know when she first started coming around.

She has been there for as long as I can remember,

Although I was much better then at keeping her quiet.

The slips were only occasional occurrences,

Not the constant hammering that now assails me.

She doesn’t like the place that I’ve prepared for her.

She thinks I’m a coward for hiding behind silly things like convention.

She wants me to let her out…

To grant her permission to throw off all inhibitions.

As strong as she is, she still seeks my permission.

Perhaps we can reach a compromise of sorts.

Perhaps I can convince her that love isn’t really irrelevant…

That want and need are not enough.

Perhaps she can teach me that want and need

Are sometimes all that matter.