You scare me.
I wouldn’t say I have an adventurous spirit.
I wouldn’t call myself a coward either.
I could be convinced to do a great many things
On a dare.
But you…
Quiet, unassuming you…
You scare me.
You make me feel things I don’t want to,
But I can’t make myself stop.
You make me think things I don’t want to,
But I can’t read your intentions.
I can’t tell if you’re thinking them too.
I don’t want to be in this place…
In this place of not knowing.
I don’t want to take a chance on being wrong,
On being the cause of the awkwardness between us,
Or even worse…
What if I’m right?
What then?
I can’t pretend to be a good choice.
I can’t pretend that I’m adept at the ways of love.
I am not.
I am not eager to meet your friends or able to be a part of your world.
I am set in my ways and unwilling to change.
I am cold one minute and easy to disappoint the other.
I am a babbling fool who can only express their feelings
Through words on a page.
I am, in short, the opposite of a good choice.
And that’s why you scare me.
Because, in spite of knowing all that…
In spite of knowing that I’m meant to be alone…
You make me want to try.
I have tried before.
It did not end well.
It left me more broken that I ever was before,
And I have never recovered.
How much more broken can you leave me?
And you will leave me…
Of that I’m certain.
So what now?
Do I take a chance or do I live with fear as my companion?
I know one thing for sure either way…
You scare me.