Do you know what I remember the most?
Being willing to do just about anything for you.
When I look back on those times now,
It is with a sense of wonder and awe
At just how much of me you had.
I don’t know how one person could give any more
Short of ripping their heart out of their own chest
And presenting it on a silver platter.
This funniest part of it is,
None of that mattered to you.
But it mattered to me.
All those gifts I could barely afford
That never saw the light of day,
All those days when I was too tired to move
But I still made time for you.
All those times you told me just why I wasn’t good enough
But I still stayed by your side.
All those mattered to me.
I never claimed to be perfect.
I never claimed that I wouldn’t ever hurt you.
I never wanted to lie to you.
The only thing I ever promised was that I would try to make you happy.
I guess that wasn’t good enough either.
You were so quick to write me off.
You were so quick to find my flaws
And pick at them until they were raw.
I never understood why.
I made excuses for you,
But really they were excuses for myself.
They were excuses for who I became when I was around you.
I look in the mirror now and thankfully
I only catch glimpses of that person.
I could hold on to the bitterness,
I could continue to let my past define me,
I could continue to let my cynicism get the best of me,
But then I would be you.
And I have finally come to realize this simple thing:
I am so much better than that.